I used to think I was weird, I used to think there was something wrong with me, why couldn’t I HANDLE being around people for long amounts of time, why did I always want to ESCAPE after a while, why did I always secretly just want to get away?!
Why did I feel these feelings of dread when people wanted to hang out with me loads, why did it feel like such a chore and then feel so guilty about thinking this!
Why would I have to go to bed late and get up early just to sneak my time in to myself?! Why did I wish they would just leave me alone!
Why did I feel secretly relieved when people would cancel on me?! Why would I feel so drained, why would I feel like I was OBLIGED to socialise….why did it feel like my personal space was invaded…..why did I just feel sooooo claustrophobic, why did I feel so trapped….why did I feel so untogether around people?! Why do i feel like i just want to tune out and go within and just be alone, me myself and my thoughts…..why would I cherish any SECOND I could grab alone (like going to the bathroom?!) …Why did I feel like turning my phone off for an age, why did I hate the fact that my phone made me so available to people, why did I feel like everytime someone messaged me I felt so stressed with having to reply. I told myself off….how I should be more sociable and get it together, how I need to STOP myself from hanging out alone and make a commitment to be around people MORE even though it feels uncomfortable/annoying because I need to change this thing about me….I told myself how it was BAD/weird/crazy to be alone!
Then I learnt that this was actually a thing! Then I learnt I was an introvert!…. then I met other people who feel the exact same way as me and recognised and saw me in other people who deep down feel the same too, then I learnt that it was NORMAL how I felt!
When I’m alone I feel truly FREE….when I’m alone I feel empowered! when I’m alone I feel truly at peace! When I’m alone that’s when I relax the most, and let go, when I’m alone that’s when I get the most done, that’s when I feel most creative, most inspired, I dream the most, I come up with the best ideas, I can be the most effective powerful version of me in terms of manifesting and creating amazing opportunities for myself and generally attracting in amazingness and magic, because I’m most in my true essence, I’m most in flow, I feel most on TOP, I feel in control, I feel a sense of SPACE
But I always FORGET, I slip up
I forget my boundaries, I forget to create space for myself, I forget to pay attention to how I feel, I forget to exercise my freedom to walk away when it’s too much, I forget to not feel like I need to drop my “No plans/Alone plans” to suit someone else’s plans when they wanna hang at the drop of a hat. I forget to ensure I create space daily/regularly to ‘run away’ to BE WITH ME!
Over the past year I’ve experienced how ESSENTIAL being with me is to how I feel….sane/normal/to me feeling sooooo me and good in myself, because I’ve had the freedom of being able to truly be alone, to have the space to not answer to anyone’s expectations/obligations….as a result I feel free to be MORE me, I feel MORE me, I make use of my freedom to do as I please…I feel more happier and at peace and am creating and being more the person I deep down knew I was and am meant to be!
I’m truly grateful that I’ve always had the nicest, amazingest and COOLEST friends and people to be with wherever I go! But still if you don’t energise from within….if you don’t stop to be a DIVA about your boundaries, if you don’t start making running away to be with you an ESSENTIAL habit for you to be the ON TOP version of you, then you end up feeling burnt out, frustrated, and being out of sync with the best version of you!
Recently I just wanted to run away from it all! I literally let all my boundaries slip, I let everything get on top of me because I stopped taking care of me, I just went with the flow, I let life happen to me, I stopped being honest with how I was feeling, and it snowballed until I wanted to snap because I felt such a mess and out of control inside like I was falling apart! So I did that….I ran to the other side of the island to just be with me! It wasn’t convenient, it wasn’t easy (i felt super guilty but I knew I had to do it)….
But it was amazing and a relief! I connected back into focus with me, my heart, my joy, my feelings, my priorities, and felt newly inspired and reenergised to be the best version of me I need to be to get the stuff I need to get done, to re-commit to and own my dreams and goals and keep my commitments and promises to myself….to not feel like I’m letting down my SOUL by letting things slip right before my eyes, all because I can’t be honest with me and respect my needs and feelings!
As a result of getting back in integrity and looking after ME and creating space, freedom and aloneness, I got back into my heart’s flow, and things I had felt massive frustration over suddenly flowed (aka work/goals I had been promising to get done for months I got done easily and effortlessly).
Which leaves me to question myself how many times do I have to let it get so bad and do something drastic before I finally learn that creating time with me is as non-negotiable as sleeping/eating daily?!
To create your dreams and a life you love, where you feel truly comfortable, at peace and happy, not burdened, trapped, heavy, wanting to just run away, where everything feels HARD, like a DRAG, where it feels like you’re letting yourself down….where you know deep down you’re killing your soul because you haven’t committed to you fully you have to have integrity with yourself! You have to pay attention to EVERY niggle of frustration! Because as soon as you do, the things you feel sad and frustrated at will flow ….ONLY when you be true to you!
You have to consciously create your life being sooooo true to you in EVERY detail possible. You have to be a diva about the things you NEED to feel most you! Even if it doesn’t make sense or seems materialistic and selfish! You have to be sooooo fussy about ensuring you get the things you need to feel so you….so what makes you feel so just….. you?! for me even things like having long glam nails is something I consider ESSENTIAL to me feeling me! having short nails is just….NOT acceptable because of how un me they make me feel! Me having privacy time and space to just ME is also ESSENTIAL…daily. And there are so many other things that are ESSENTIAL for me to feel on top and the BEST me, and then consequently I can then BE the best me and DO my BEST stuff! Where are you not nurturing the essence of you….. where do you feel frustrated? Where do you feel this deep quiet niggle and nagging? When are you going to pay attention?! Or are you going to let it grow bigger (cos it will and know that if you don’t stop and listen, the more out of sync you’re falling out of you, and the LESS powerful you you are being…so don’t you want to be the best most powerful you?!)
If you know you dream of a life of more….in the first module of my e-course Dreams Cosmo I take you through all the steps to CONSCIOUSLY analyse everything in your life, to get super clear and aware of what you need to feel GOOD in your life, so you can then consciously create your dreams from that space! You can’t get super certain on your dreams, and what a life of TRUE passion and purpose is if you aren’t being true to you in every detail!
You can have instant access to module 1 today and start getting super honest with yourself about where you’re not being true to you right now, where you’re letting YOU slip, so we can start to create an AMAZING life for you so true to you! To have a dream life, you HAVE to consciously be a DIVA about every detail! that matters to you and consciously put in the work to create amazing, you can’t expect amazing if you’re letting here and there slip! It all matters!
PS – Your Dreams can come true!