We really want love and meaningful relationships but sometimes we insist on keeping our armour on to hide from the fear of rejection and what love really means…allowing true intimacy into our lives and hearts by letting someone know us for our true authentic self, even the parts we deny and hide from others!
“I want the deepest, darkest, sickest parts of you that you are afraid to share with anyone because I love you that much” – Lady Gaga
Only by being who we truly are in love, by allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and face our fears of letting someone all the way in, can we experience meaningful relationships and true love, and attract to us those that will show up in the same way and be truly available to our hearts! There is no strength in building walls around being vulnerable. True inner strength comes from the trust and courage to be vulnerable. The only thing worse than the fear of getting hurt is the fear of never even trying to put yourself out there to experience love!
We self-sabotage ourselves with the negative thoughts we tell ourselves and believe about love and relationships. By telling ourselves that we can’t have love because you’re this type of person, you’re too that type of person, or perhaps you feel unworthy of love until you’re a certain weight or a certain look or until you’re ‘good enough’. We are always good enough now, there will never be a time where we are ‘completed’ or ‘filled’, because our life journey is about always having new lessons to learn, to further ‘complete’ and ‘fill’ us! Being open to true love again and again, no matter how many times you have been hurt or had bad experiences, by just being yourself is you not giving up on your life journey of learning more and more each and every time! It is your duty to get back up and make yourself open and vulnerable to the next experience and the next experience! Our relationships are our lessons and our life journey is about the lessons our soul learns, and we never stop learning, so it doesn’t make sense to close ourselves off to love and learning more!
The best way to be vulnerable is to be yourself in the moment, and let down your guard, and all the ‘faces’ you think you need to put on! When we think of being vulnerable we think of leaving ourselves exposed and weak. But being vulnerable is about having a strong core – a strong sense of who you are, and feeling capable, powerful, worthy and deserving in who you are. And then having a soft outer shell where it is as if a guy can reach inside and touch your heart! As cheesy as that may sound!
Being vulnerable is having a true sense of who you are, and being courageous and brave enough to be that person no matter what. You feel safe being that person and being authentic, you’re allowing yourself to be really seen for who you are. And if that isn’t accepted then that’s okay because being vulnerable is having a strong core, it isn’t about moulding who you are inside to suit someone else – now that is weak! It isn’t about compromising who you are – that’s exposing yourself. It isn’t about ‘hiding’ who you really are to only reveal yourself when you feel ‘safe’ around that person. How could you anyway when you have such a strong core and belief in who you are?! It is always safe to be you! The only thing that doesn’t make it safe is your thoughts/ego/fear speaking to you! You will never attract the right guy or the right kind of love you need and want if you can’t reveal who you are and BE who you are FIRST with that person! You don’t have to overshare, you just have to be real, natural, honest and have integrity to the person you are.
“Love in your mind produces love in your life…Fear in your mind produces fear in your life.” – Marianne Williamson
Consciously and intentionally knowing what our fears are to being open to love allows us to overcome them; when we are simply more conscious we make ourselves more in control. We can’t be controlled by our subconscious mind anymore (the part of yourself you aren’t aware of) where our fears are automatically affecting and sabotaging our thoughts and actions. By becoming aware of the thoughts that we try hard to hide from, we can’t hide from them anymore! What you resist will be…. Release and let go of your fears and make space for something real and meaningful in your heart; love!
A fear of losing someone or being without someone isn’t the real you but your mind and ego in fear, your true heart and soul is never in fear because it can never lose. So always try to connect with your heart by just showing up and doing you – your natural Self! Fear will drive you to act outside of yourself, trying to control someone and a situation which actually makes you lose control by forcing something or someone to be rather than allowing things to flow naturally and accepting what is. This is also very masculine, trying to control, so surrender, and just be and feel!
“If you ever want something badly, let it go. If it comes back to you, then it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t then it was never yours to begin with” – Blake Lively
Don’t believe in lack – that if you lose a certain person, that no one will light you up or match up as the last person did. There is always someone better to come to light you up even more, and give you even better experiences and memories than the last, you just have to believe, and know nothing is ever lost! Everything you experience always prepares you for better to come, so there will only ever be better when you lose, if you decide so!
Face your fears of being vulnerable and question the source behind it– why do you have this fear? Why are you holding back on being open and vulnerable? Why don’t you feel deserving or worthy enough to true love? Why do you doubt yourself? How are these fears serving you?! What are the costs and benefits of having those fears? If you can really think about these questions and answer them (journaling is best to see what really comes up), you’re doing great mindset work on releasing thoughts that won’t serve you just by becoming more conscious of them. You may realize you don’t need to believe what you fear because it doesn’t logically make sense and you see there is no real basis for it or you realize it is just a downright ridiculous thought anyway!
Even if your fear comes true, have faith that something wasn’t meant to be, that it’s ‘a blessing in disguise’ preparing you for something better in the future. Everything that happens to you always prepares you for something better! Always!
Affirm with yourself even if your fears in love come true, you will still deeply and completely love, accept and forgive yourself! And then go and show up fully in love, and be FEARLESS by being authentically and completely yourself!
“But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is FEARLESS.” – Taylor Swift