Loving yourself means shifting your perspective fully to the now and not in the past or future which is where our thoughts spend most of their time! To live and be in the present is to accept a situation in all its fullness and reality without judging; which is glossing over what is, analyzing and interpreting it as something it is not in an attempt to protect yourself and stop yourself from facing your fears, and imagining reasons and creating excuses as to what could be and therefore being in denial about what it actually is.
Relationship experts insist on communication over assumption which sounds really simple! But a lot of the time we make assumptions and put our own meaning/interpretation on actions and words ….’if a guy took us there or said this or introduced us to their friends it *must* mean he sees us as being in a relationship!’ When really it should just be taken for face value….exactly what it is ‘he introduced me to his friends’ and no more extras! This saves us from heart break by only seeing what is here now!! A guy could never guess what you’re thinking so realize you could never know accurately what he is thinking also…. Just because something makes sense to you doesn’t necessarily mean that it is obviously the same for someone else and they think in similar ways to you. Because assumptions will come back to hurt us!
It is so easy to dream and fantasize when dating about the potential relationship and future it could be. If we take the emotion out of dating initially, we can focus on being in the present. Focus on the reality and what IS happening rather than what could be to prevent us from running away with our thoughts. Use the present to guide you rather than running away with mind created stories of the future and gossiping and over-analyzing the past with girlfriends! Actions always speak louder than words, and most importantly trust and listen to your intuition and how you feel.
“I only do what my gut tells me to. I think it’s smart to listen to other people’s advice, but at the end of the day, you’re the only one who can tell you what’s right for you.” – Jennifer Lopez
I used to go to psychics especially when I felt frustrated or wanted some kind of ‘higher’ answers and the ‘low-down’ on what was going on in my love life (!) I was also so impatient to find out when things would happen for me…when my version of Prince Charming would show up, when I would be in the relationship I wanted! Whilst they were neither really right or wrong, and no matter how ‘good’ a reading was, I also recognized how discontented I still felt afterwards, like I hadn’t got the answers I was desperately looking for, and how I wasn’t being completely honest with myself. I was disempowering myself by looking for answers outside of me. My need to have a psychic reading was driven by fear….deep down I knew a situation wasn’t right (otherwise why would I need to ask someone else about it?!), but I couldn’t admit it to myself, and even when I heard what I already kind of knew deep down I didn’t want to accept or believe it! And even when I heard good stuff, it also felt too good to be true and unbelieveable! I was doubtful because I was coming from such a fearful place where I didn’t feel good enough to attract ‘happy ever after’ type relationships into my life…so I was never going to from this fearful and dishonest to myself place!
By trusting someone else’s advice, you are also telling yourself you don’t trust yourself, and thereby give your power away to someone who may not even understand or know you fully! Your heart can tell you everything you need to know if you take the time to connect to and trust yourself. It will forever come down to Always trusting your intuition. Deep down you always know what is right and what is wrong for you and it is about being completely honest and true to you!
The best way to be in the present and use your intuition is to feel not think! Our feelings will never lie, and tell us everything we need to know. When you are with someone, when you’re going about your dating life, you can just lean back, be open, and just see how you feel. Really simple! Take note of how you feel in your body, and trust your boundaries. What are you feeling in this guy’s presence? You can only ever feel good or bad. Choose to just feel and experience the moment, be open to receive whatever happens, as whatever happens, happens!
Coming from a ‘feeling’ approach and just being yourself in any situation rather than coming from the approach of having to impress the guy and having to ‘edit’ yourself to show your best you, is the best way to attract the guy and relationship you want because you exude your feminine energy in this way and will attract more authentically what you want when you come from this place! Taking note of our feelings allows us to be more grounded in the present and take note of what is happening now. If we honour feelings of not feeling good around/about someone, then we’re less likely to entertain thoughts or drama around this person. There is no analysing of feelings as they only ever mean good or bad! If something is right then it is right! No analysing needed!
A ‘doing’ strategy is actually quite controlling, manipulative and masculine…e.g. anything that is not being you naturally, where you’re going out of your way to tactically impress, or saying something to get a type of reaction! Even flirting, dressing up for a guy can be very masculine, unless you’re doing it from a natural, authentic place where you’re just being you, as it’s tactical!
“I try to believe like I believed when I was five…when your heart tells you everything you need to know.” – Lucy Liu
In the present we hold 100% of our power, the present is the only real thing we have, it is the only time we have to do something and make a difference now, so we should never worry or be more concerned about the future. If we fully be and enjoy the present, the future will always be good! If there is a situation we recognize we aren’t happy with now, we can fully accept it for what it is without judgment and make the choice to change it now in the present, where we have the control and power.