“I refuse to let what happened to me make me bitter. I still completely believe in love and I’m open to anything that will happen to me” – Nicole Kidman
To make our present and future love life the best it can be, we need to completely let go of the hurtful past and be living more presently rather than in the past. Living presently always brings more joy and happiness, and allows us to be more mindfully aware of what is going on now and how we can best serve ourselves now, so that we don’t hold the same thoughts and limiting beliefs that lead us to the behavior that brought us to those hurtful experiences we want to escape.
We can’t change what happened in the past, but we easily hold onto past hurt and end up re-living the heartache over and over in our minds (even though living through it is once enough!) while it is irrelevant today and doesn’t serve our future for the better. We can never hurt badly enough to change the past, but we can affect and make our future relationships and present love life better by what we do Now!
“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” – Marilyn Monroe
By clearing out past hurtful memories, we can forgive others and most importantly forgive ourselves which doesn’t mean we have to forget or excuse bad behavior but we can let go of that which doesn’t serve us and not be defined and controlled subconsciously by these past memories.
“You make mistakes, but I don’t have any regrets. I’m the kind of person who takes responsibility for it and deals with it. I learn from everything I do.” – Kim Kardashian
Our heart and soul wants to love more fully and unconditionally and wants to learn how to from our relationships. By holding onto hurt we are actually shutting off part of our hearts and closing ourselves off to love and leaving issues and lessons unresolved which will always end up coming back to us in the future until we learn from them and forgive. Willingness to release and forgive gives us a free pass to have much happier more enlightened relationships. Forgiving past hurt is making a conscious decision to learn the lesson for our growth and benefit, and stop the painful memories and the chance of reliving the past in the future. So we can then move forward and welcome new people into our life who mirror our more happier loving self, not someone who mirrors the hurt still in our hearts and the lessons still not truly learnt.
Merely intending to forgive is enough, as forgiveness will then come in time from the intention and space you have created for it!
“There are two different categories of love. The first category is called a fairy tale. The second category of love is called just another lesson” – Taylor Swift
The best way to let go of the past and to heal is to release negative emotions. Journaling and writing down your thoughts and feelings allows you to really be aware of what you are thinking deep down inside, subconsciously, to identify any negative thought patterns that need releasing, that you weren’t even aware of and are hiding from, and that may be projecting into your present. Ask yourself why you’re feeling what you’re feeling, why you have those thoughts or beliefs, and if you really did love and respect yourself what would that look like? Why do you think you feel stuck or blocked from moving on or not getting what you want in relationships?!
If it’s for you, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and ‘tapping’ on your energy points and negative beliefs can quickly and easily shift you out of your negative patterns that leave you feeling ‘stuck’. If you’re new to EFT Youtube videos – you may find it really weird (!) but I’ve found it to magically create mental shifts where I was feeling stuck in negative beliefs I kept telling myself!
“Hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable” – Wizard of Oz
When you fully accept reality and allow yourself to fully experience and acknowledge the sadness and hurt you’re going through, the hurt really does pass quicker and makes it a lot easier to get through….by trying to hide from painful memories, and forcing ourselves to not feel them in their entirety we end up prolonging the hurt by reliving the hurtful memory over and over. By just accepting, embracing and letting it pass through you naturally it can quickly become just a memory without the pain attached.
“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we have learned here. The spiritual journey is the relinquishment—or unlearning—of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts. Love is the essential existential fact. It is our ultimate reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life.” – Marianne Williamson
If you are finding it hard to move on from the past, or you have deeper negative mindset stuff buried in your subconscious that you know you need to release and shift, be kind to yourself and give yourself time and space to release the mental stuff that is holding you back! Sometimes professional help will likely move you to a better place a lot quicker with the support and knowledge we sometimes can’t give ourselves, you shouldn’t feel bad for needing help to get out of feeling stuck. You’re doing something positive for yourself that will help you move forward to being much more happier! If you don’t do anything about it, or become more conscious of where you are and why you’re staying in that negative place, you can’t move forward and create what you want! And no matter how bad a situation feels you are always able to move forward and create happiness for yourself! Professional help could be anything from a therapist, a mindset coach, EFT, a dating/relationship coach, a matchmaker or reading/watching videos for your personal growth.